gra-dult-hood n.

1. A stage in life between graduation and adulthood.
2. Gradulthood often involves jobs that don't fulfil a graduate's expectations.
3. A term coined during the recession.

News Views: Wenger unearths more European talent

Sitting in the pub on Saturday I was astounded to see the front page of the Sun: WENGER’S AFFAIR! Wenger’s affair?! When Avram Grant was caught visiting illicit massage parlors it was widely ignored, it was as if collectively the nation shrugged and went ‘yeah, kind of suspected that’. I could certainly imagine Redknapp charming some young Tottenham PA, he’s dodgy enough, ditto Alladyce. But Wenger conducting a two-year relationship with a 39-year-old French hip-hop wannabe named Sonia Tatar, did not see that one coming.

Not much is known of Wenger. He has refused to discuss his private life ever since he came to England in 1996 and we don’t know have a clue what he’s like away from the dugout, but because he’s been around for so long we feel like we know him. I for one cannot imagine Arsene seducing a younger woman unless she just so happens to be turned on by a frugal transfer policy and a steadfast commitment to passing football. But those girls are just so hard to find nowadays, now it’s all looks and money. And can you imagine the famously football mad Wenger dropping everything and whisking his mistress off for a romantic weekend? It would have to go something like this:

Wenger: I’m taking you away for the weekend gorgeous.

Tatar: Oh Arsene, you’re so romantic! Where are we going? Paris, Rome?

Wenger: Democratic Republic of Congo.

Tatar: What?! Why? I’m going to have to get a malaria jab! Why Congo?

Wenger: No reason. I just like it there, you’ll love it.

Tatar: Ok, if you say so Arsene.

Wenger: I mean, seeing as I’m going there I might as well check up on this 15 year old right back.

Tatar: That’s it; I’m selling my story to The Sun.

I can’t prove whether that conversation really happened. Maybe I’m being too harsh; Wenger is after all a tall, erudite man, respected throughout the world for what he’s achieved in football. He can speak five languages and has millions of pounds in the bank, Tatar on the other hand supplements her income by working as a waitress and according to reports is ‘desperate to be famous’. But remember this is Wenger, she might not look like a great catch now but give it a couple of years and she’ll blossom into a GQ cover star.

I just feel sorry for Mrs. Annie Wenger, not just for the alleged affair but the inevitable arduous task of getting him to admit any wrongdoing; ‘have you seen the Sun, your cheating on me! / ‘I didn’t see it.’

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