Gradulthood Jobs: Latest Vacancies

Could you fill his shoes?

Times are changing in the Middle East and with change comes tangible employment opportunities for the alert gradult. Following Hosni Mubarak’s decision to withdraw police from most areas of Cairo there are numerous roles opening up in the law and order sector. This role will be voluntary at first due to well documented administrative infrequencies but should the successful candidate be able to cope with the widespread looting, gangs of vigilantes and the one million strong crowds in Liberty Square then perhaps a more permanent position could become available. If you’re more suited to the office rather than the streets I hear there could well be some government roles going in the same area soon. My sources tell me that Obama is organising an ‘orderly transition’ as I type so get your CV’s in quick, don’t let that A-Level in Politics go to waste. If you do miss out then fear not, similar roles are being advertised in Tunisia and Jordan.

If you have an interest in politics but find the Middle East a bit too volatile for your tastes then why not consider a role in office closer to home. Andy Coulson recently resigned as Cameron’s communications officer and who better than an eager gradult to fill his shoes. However, I must warn you that all telephone interviews will be recorded, for quality control of course. If you, like me, proudly sport a Media Studies GCSE then why not apply for one of the many new vacancies at the News of the World? All applicants must be able to write to a Year 9 standard and have an insatiable appetite for catching footballers having affairs. Speaking of jobs in the media, I have an inside tip that Sky Sports are after a couple of fresh faces. If you don’t have any presenting experience or are in fact a woman then please don’t apply.

Finally, as I keep saying, a gradult needs to be agile in these times of austerity. You’ve got to be quick on your feet and able to relocate. For one lucky gradult this may mean a temporary role at the International Space Centre. American astronaut Tim Kopra fell off his bike on the eve of his mission, injuring himself and putting an end to his hopes of leading the voyage. He’s been in training for two years and will now have to console himself by getting lots of rest and watching Apollo 13 on repeat. I know how he feels, I’d written the first paragraph of this article and then my computer froze. All that work for nothing, nightmare! His bad luck could be a gradults gain as this role offers a good basic wage as well a company phone, laptop and spaceship. Email your CV to NASA now.