Gradulthood is offering you the chance to make a quid (literally) by proving us wrong.
Eagle-eyed gradults may have recently noticed supermarket booze aisles sporting the latest addition to Stella Artois’s repertoire of products – Stella Cidre.
Pronounced ‘see-dra’, the 4.5 percent fizzy apple pop is brewed in Belgium, exclusively for British drinkers. Moreover, according to Stuart MacFarlane, president of Stella parent corporation, AB InBev, the new drink will ‘prove once and for all that Stella, as a brand, is right up there with other leading brands, such as Coca-Cola, in its ability to reach new customers in new categories.’
Quite a claim isn’t it? And I’m sure there’s solid marketing theory behind it (unlike, it would seem, the embarrassingly unsuccessful Stella Black) but quite frankly I just can’t see it.
The whole notion of releasing a cider contradicts all the marketing tosh that we already get from Stella Artois. The brand has made huge efforts to subvert its negative stereotype of being a lager largely for louts and ‘wife-beaters’.
Have you seen the latest advert? Stella tells the warming story of a handsome young go-getter who spots a pretty young waitress working in one of those chic European cafés. He falls instantly in love and sets his sights on wooing this beauty. We are taken on a journey of hardship and determination as our stable-boy works long, hard hours to scrape together enough money for a nice tailored suit, some shiny brogues and a sharp looking watch. Each day he passes the cafe, to share a loving stare with the labor of all his hard work.
Only when the day finally comes to stroll into the café looking like David Beckham at a Royal Wedding, we discover the quest for this sharp appearance was not for the attractive waitress as we assumed – he just wanted a nice, cold pint of Stella Artois.
One can simply not drink Stella whilst wearing ordinary, non-tailored clothing of course.
I understand that adverts are supposed to exaggerate and manipulate and sell ideals to consumers - that’s not my beef here. What baffles me is that the same brand that with one hand, gave us that advert screaming ‘we are not for louts’, is with the other giving us a cider – a drink which for the most part, carries even more ‘louty’ connotations than Stella.
However, in an interview he gave to justdrinks.com, our man MacFarlane explained the method behind the madness.
He said: "Stella Artois is dogged by an undeserved reputation as loopy juice, and some people even call it 'Wife-beater'. Giving our drinkers permission to create Stella snakebite seems like the perfect way to rid the brand of this entirely undeserved reputation."
You can just see a couple of philosophy lecturers in your local can’t you, discussing whether determinism is compatible with freedom, over a couple of Stella snakebites.
For these reasons, I’m convinced that Stella Cidre will fail emphatically. By that I mean, in its mission to ‘reach new customers in new categories’ (I’m sure it will be hugely popular in Whetherspoons in any stag-do ridden city at the weekends) and I’m willing to put my money where my mouth is.
So here’s the deal. I will personally reward any reader who spots a stranger in public wearing a suit whilst drinking a Stella Cidre, with a lovely shiny £1.
And before you go calling us stingy, remember that we are gradults here, our budget is small. Plus, if it was £100 on offer you’d all have your leavers ball suits out of the wardrobe in a heart beat. £1 for a quick phone snap is more than generous.
Take a picture, and send it to us (gradulthood@gmail.com) and no fakes because we’ll know. Don’t ask how, we just will…
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