A rambling warning

We've all had that feeling.  The series ends and you turn to... ah, there’s no one there to turn to.  Unfortunately, what you just watched was so good that it literally demands to be shared.  It must become a personal crusade to spread its message. You won’t rest until each one of your friends and family have not only watched it – they’ve thanked you for the opportunity of watching it.

I’ve always talked like this

However, whilst you’re out spreading the gospel - this usually involves: snapping up every half chance to quote the series, subtly altering your persona so it’s more in-line with your favourite character and buying some merchandise on eBay – resentment against the show will steadily start to build amongst those you’re trying to influence. 

Don’t think they’ve not noticed the trickle of new slang collecting in your vocabulary and the subtle cultivation of mannerisms. All in all, they’re sick of hearing your opinion of something they don’t even have an opinion about.

Unable to battle this resentment on multiple levels, you must scale down your indoctrination efforts and focus the crosshairs on one particular target.

You find said target's hesitance baffling.  You’re now in such a frenzy over this series that you now cannot comprehend life before it.  What was that dismal time like?  Maybe if you could remember it would shed some light into why your target isn’t dropping everything and watching it right this second.

I know I won’t like it

On the other side, resentment is now maturing into hatred.  The coy requests and drunken monologues are taking their toll.  They cannot stand the show and they’ve not even seen it yet.  They still don’t even properly know what it’s about. Getting them to watch it now is going to a nightmare; trickier than negotiating with an irritable Daniel Levy in late August.*

Deep down can you really blame them?  They’ve got their own show.  So they haven’t got an official catchphrase t-shirt for it, but they’re enjoying it.  They just want to chill out, they don’t need this pressure.

But actually, yeah, you do blame them.  This show circumvents all of that nonsense.  Once they bask in its glory they’ll forget about their pathetic little series.  In fact, they’ll thank you for rescuing them.  New nicknames will follow, maybe a banter show-related-Christmas-present, analysis, trivia, quotes on Facebook walls.  It’s going to be glorious. 

There is only one thing for it – you’re going to have to sit them down and watch it with them.

Laughing for two

It’s happening.  Months of lobbying like an oil conglomerate have finally paid off.  The target is sitting down and taking it all in.  But is the mood right?  The psychological gun to their head is perhaps not the optimum atmosphere.  Is the show good enough to rise above this?  Suddenly you’re not so sure, now the unthinkable is happening: you’re doubting the show.  Better laugh at all the right points; just to help them along. 

Sideways looks across the lounge

The target is in turmoil.  Half enjoying the show, half seething at their situation.  Should have just watched it alone.  Avoided this whole charade.  They’d actually read a great review of it online earlier in the week and were suddenly keen to check it out, but this pressure is too much.  With every punch line they can feel a sly glance in their direction. A peering eye gauging whether the joke landed or not. Maybe it would if I wasn’t under surveillance.

You notice this thawing in hostility towards your show and breathe a sigh of relief. Maybe the dreams of late night subtext conversations will become a reality.  You have a convert.  You begin extolling the virtues of every character on screen, adding colour where necessary with Wikipedia gleaned titbits.  This is what you wanted.

The dialogue might be snappy but this isn’t worth it

The target can’t take it anymore.  One more mention of the director’s vision and they’re going to snap.  So what if they’re enjoying it?  They know they can never enjoy it fully.  Admitting they love it is tantamount to a surrender of equality within the friendship. To them, you’ll forever be in their debt.

The target stands up, stopping an anecdote about production costs in its tracks: ‘Did you write this??’ they scream, ‘Where is your name on the god-dam credits??’ You sit back, aghast. ‘Were you an executive producer on the show?’ They bellow - you assume rhetorically, ‘Or did you simply just watch it first?’  You nod, meekly. ‘Fuck the show and fuck you!  Goodbye!’

Remember gradults; don’t force people to watch a show. Otherwise this might happen to you.  It probably won't though.

*For those not into football, Daniel Levy is the Tottenham chairman known for his hard line approach to negotiating. He’s also Jewish, not that I’m suggesting these two facts are linked. The late August part  because the transfer window slams shut on August 31^st, making negotiations even trickier. The joke works is what I’m, saying.