5 Things I Learnt This Week

This joke cost a fiver

Due to cancellations on Saturday night I learnt that it takes six cans of Heineken and Katherine Heigl canoodling in a car to make 27 dresses an acceptable film. Here are five other things I learnt this week.

£111 for a ticket is too much. June 2011 will see Jerry Seinfeld doing his first show in the UK since 1998 and as a huge fan I was excited when I heard the news. ‘I’d pay a lot’ I told my mate. Little did I know how much I would have to pay. £111?! Well I suppose the stage production costs a lot...? It’s a man, a microphone and two hours of ‘have you noticed’ jokes. Maybe he needs the money...? He’s almost a billionaire. Ah. Probably just wait for the DVD then.

Disney town is real thing. Somewhere in suburban Florida you’ll find a town called ‘Celebration’, the American dream home town created and to an extent ran by Disney. In Disney’s town fake snow falls every hour and 50’s music is piped from hidden speakers in the trees. This week ‘the magic died’ as the town had its first murder and it’s first suicide. Personally I think I could stand about two hours there before the ‘magic’ wore thin.

Ten minutes of cricket is all you need. If there’s hype about a boxing match then suddenly everyone’s an expert, people fretting over his lack of reach when in reality they don’t know how long a reach should be, they just read it in The Sun. I say people, to be honest, I mean me. The Ashes is a prime example of the ‘hype induced expert’ and this week I’ve learnt you don’t need to stay up all night to know what you’re talking about. I simply watch ten minutes of Sky Sports News before work and I’m discussing the Ashes with colleagues like I actually care about it.

Christmas trees can be expensive. A hotel in Abu Dhabi this week installed a seven million pound Christmas tree, a strange departure from their usual understated charm. I think my Christmas tree was from Argos in 2007. The tree itself was a snip at £10,000 but it’s doused in more jewellery than Kanye West on awards night.

I hate snow. Snow hates me. Gradulthood Christmas party snowed off. Super Sunday cancelled. I’ll just stay in and wait for Monday morning then shall I? Go back to Iceland.