What makes a Gradult: Volume 1

Anti-Gradult

Lately the trending topic at the Gradulthood office has been the definition of a gradult. When does the gradult become the adult? And so on. With Michael and I both increasingly looking likely to get our first tentative toes on the fabled career ladder it has raised the question of should we be writing a blog entitled Gradulthood if we aren’t strictly gradults? You might be at the point on the ladder whereby if you had to jump off, you could, but it would probably hurt. Or you might be at the point where you’re spending your spare time reading online reviews on different ladders and intend to get on a rung any week soon. Either way you probably want some assurance as to whether you’re a gradult or not.

You see, being a gradult isn’t strictly about age, I mean obviously there are limits to this. I’m not having people over thirty going around calling themselves gradults, that would be ridiculous. However, everyone knows someone who’s twenty-six but does a ski season every winter and spends his summers in Bali. These are the type of people you don’t want on Facebook, their status’ can be cutting on a cold winter’s morning. Similarly there’s the type who make the leap into adulthood very quickly, those who met their girlfriend at the end of term year six disco – when they were in year six as well, obviously. Nip that in the bud. These might have a very short Gradulthood spell before they settle down to the inevitable mortgages, Homebase and Saturday evenings watching Casualty.

Like a blogging sorting hat, this new feature will help you decide whether you’re a gradult or not.

1. You own a dog. Unfortunately if you own a dog you are not a gradult. You, my friend are officially an adult. Do you think I could own a dog? What forms do you need to fill out? Do they need injections? All seems like a lot of hassle to me. By getting a dog you are committing to looking after something for up to fifteen years, a very adult commitment. A true gradult is mobile, a dog owner is not. If you need some animal companionship to get you through these uncertain times then fear not because some pets are suitable. Last year my housemate took in a hamster from a broken home and reared it as his own. The hamster was a gift from a failed relationship, under my housemates watchful eye it would often spend a couple of nights under the shower tray. Some call it animal cruelty, I call it character building. The hamsters chance to get away for a while, its European city break if you like. I also seem to remember seeing a fish on our coffee table for a while, I say seeing it, by the end of its stay the water was more or less opaque. That fish had no pride in its home. There you go; gradults don’t have dogs and if you do have to get a dog then don’t put it as your profile picture on Facebook because NOBODY CARES.