What makes a Gradult: Volume 2

This is what your aiming for

Still trying to work out whether you’re a gradult or not? Ask yourself this question:

2. What’s your hall situation?

Our home is where we spend the majority of our time, almost all of our free time. It’s a place of comfort that can also come to define us. The hallway is the gateway to this house and should act as a smooth transition to the inside. It should be welcoming yet functional. The gradults hallway is often neither. The first thing you notice about a gradults' hallway is the floor; very rarely will you be able to see all of it. Depending on where abouts they are on their cleaning schedule there will almost certainly be a smattering of takeaway menus and the odd letter from some long since gone previous tenant. The old tenant letters will be from the council, anything looking slightly more interesting and curiosity will take a hold. As for a previous tenants birthday card I think if they cared so much about them they would have known they’ve moved is the standard justification.

Next to the front door of a gradults' house don’t be surprised to see an old Phone Book or perhaps a rain soaked Yellow Pages, these will never be used and will remain there until someone gets round to putting them out of their misery. Gradults Google, obviously. Other items that separate the gradult from the adult include disused hoovers, nests of miscellaneous wires attached to some scorned console and almost certainly a carrier bag of mud soaked clothes. Every pair of shoes this gradult owns will act as a barrier to the door. Shoes no longer in circulation will often remain there for months. Some shoes will remain dormant in a hallway for longer than they were actually in service; perhaps afforded the odd trip outside on journeys when you don’t even put the heel in. This is a real kick in the teeth for the shoe. This is when the shoe knows it’s finished.

As ever, if any of these traits sound like you then you’re still a gradult I’m afraid. Who cares what their hall looks like anyway?